your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
