I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
