watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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