So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
