Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
