and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
