Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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