bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
