I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I could make wine with my vomit
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
