you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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