I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
