toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
