What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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