Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
