i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
