I can text with my tongue
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
