you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
