...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
