I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She's the barista slut.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
