The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
