This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
