i permit you to call me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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