to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
