she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
