My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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