are you so shy because you have an std?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
