i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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