i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
