Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
