She's JV to your varsity
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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