I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she smelled like a LAN party
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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