Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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