By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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