My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
