Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
