I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
