i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
