No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
