Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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