She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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