I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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