Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
