im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
