and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
