he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
