It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
