there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
