just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
