peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
