Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
